Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The post that was hijacked.

 The girl loves her some watermelon!
 Toes in the water...

 She loves playing with fish.
 Old friends!
 Sharon and Stella
Stella and Daddy cutting the rug!

So I had planned on writing about our friend Sharon from Nashville and how she was the reason Mario and I met. We haven't seen her in 4 years. We got to meet up with her a few weeks ago as she was in Destin. We met halfway and had some lunch and beach time. It was wonderful! While I was uploading the pictures Mario and I got into another discussion about Aubrey. I don't talk about that whole part much with anyone other then close family and friends. I have started a million posts only to delete them or never publish them. As his family would say, don't air your dirty laundry. I also don't think it's fair to discuss someone that I don't really have the right to discuss in public. Privacy and all. I can discuss my feelings on it though, I have just chosen not to. I choose to say nothing. Someone said to me recently, when we were talking about it, that it's my life too. It's been really rough lately. Hell, who am I kidding. It's been really rough always. It has been an uphill battle from the start. I see other blended families that seem to make it work and even thrive. I wish that was us, it would be a whole different story. No relationship comes easy, they all take a lot of work but it shouldn't be this hard for this long. I have a step mom and while I know I've had my moments of probably being a real jerk off, those are few and far between and long gone years ago. We could probably count them all on one hand. It wasn't consistently hard. My Step Mom and I have a great relationship and respect. I've even dated people before that had children. In 2 cases in long term relationships and had great relationships with the kids, one I even keep in touch with through facebook and she's now 18! Crazy! I don't think I have ever had this degree of difficulty getting along with someone, let alone a child. Although she is a young adult and not really a child anymore it hasn't made a difference.  I get along with most reasonably well I would say. Yes, I know. I knew this going in. We all thought it was just jealousy over having to share her dad. It would pass. We would work on it. Then jealousy over Stella, again thought we would work though it. She would mature. We've been in counseling in 2 different time periods and I went by myself to cope. Mario wants us to go back again. He says we need to go back again. I am tired. Emotionally spun out on fighting about and with. I'm sure it is so hard for him. He has a hard time and acknowledges the difficulty in the situation but at the same time, you love your child unconditionally. I understand that completely and I always try to support, encourage and respect that relationship. Yet when things are said, and done I cannot just turn the other cheek and have that unconditional love between a parent and child. I am not trying to deflect 100% of the blame but this situation is not just between us. I am not the only one having a hard time. I've gone into more then I wanted and more then enough. It's emotionally draining. I just want peace. I'll probably never touch on it here again but sometimes you just have to release. Rock and a hard place.  

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